At that time, I was traumatized mostly due to my knowledge in this condition. If I was told about this before my finals, all I knew about septicaemia was that you'll need gentamicin followed by the requirement for gentamicin-monitoring. But this was after my finals, (which proves that I studied!) ....... All I could wish for was that the facts that I studied on the textbook have much room for exceptions.
At that time, I wished that Ah Mah could prove my knowledge wrong. At that time, I hoped that Ah Mah could beat the odds and laugh about this incident when she's recovered. At that time, I hoped that my knowledge was a consequence of exaggeration in Western-medicine.
She fought her way through, proven by her 3weeks unconcious-state in the ICU. Finally she woke up for 1 day, and passed away on the following day. On the day of awakening, she responded to all her children and grandchildren. When she saw the number of supporting machines attached to her frail body and the distressed-states her children were in, she shed tears. She was crying as she knew this had been a heavy burden to all her loved ones, both physically and emotionally. She was crying because she, as well, is clueless about the journey of the battle. She was crying because she was feeling weak and helpless.
She was fighting all the way to her last moments, as she still vomited blood before her passing away. It was Malaysian time 1am, when I was out celebrating Xinyin's birthday at UK time 6pm. When I received my brother's offline message for me at my time 10pm, I broke down and only 2 things were in my mind:-
#1: she didn't wait for me.
#2: I didn't manage to see her for the last time.
When I called dad, he was still very composed. The first thing that I said to him was:-
"Dad, I'm very sorry for not being able to accompany her through the battle"
Daddie was silent, and I could feel him holding back. I wished I was there to comfort him or just to give him my presence. He's always been the support of the family. I assured my parents that I would understand if they cannot make it to my graduation, but daddie insisted that he wants to strike a balance between his love for his mother and daughter. Thanks daddie.
Finally ah mah has decided to go back to the arms of my grandpa whom I call Ah Gong, and God. She has led a good life as compared to Ah Gong. But, if only she was given another 5 years.....
She has always been the reason behind the strong family bond that we all shared. Whenever she comes to KL from Muar, 8 huge families will gather together for both days of the weekend. We'll update each other on our lifes, do catching ups, cook together, eat and laugh, sometimes Uncle Kenneth would randomly contribute his whisky collection and that would be followed by us going CUCKOO.. while Ah Mah will always be sitting there gazing and laughing at our silly acts when we were drunk/high.... These are typical activities in Law family gatherings, which takes place about 6-7 times yearly.
I remember every year's 2nd-day of CNY, where ah mah celebrates her birthday. On normal occasions, all aunts and nieces would start to get ready, together at 3pm and we'll set off to the restaurant for dinner at 7.30pm. Since 5 years ago, Ah mah had been joining our "barbie-doll sessions" too! She asked for her brows to be plucked, and finger nails to be buffed. Haha. In year 2006, we decided to cook in instead. It was quite a hassle, but nevertheless, had been one of her memorable birthdays. Dad was in charged of the steamed fish; aunt lydia's was the gula-melaka prawn; aunt jasmine's was the 8-treasure duck; ah goh's was the fried vegetables; mom's was the fried mee hoon; aunt jessica's was the braised sea cucumber, etc etc etc.
Official family pic. 
Unofficial family pic. She's always considerate and thoughtful. How folly of us to be feeling annoyed by her advices, which at that time seemed like nagging to us. How silly of us to be disagreeing with her mentality? How naive of us to be coming up our own "scientific" arguement to ignore her caring reminders?
They say, "when you can't beat them, join them". Coming from a fun family, my conservative ah mah was often being dragged into chaotic scenes. I remember back from our family trip to Kukub, a small fishing village in Johor in year 2006. Poor ah mah.. hehe.
We shop, she also shops....
After the sinful barbeque dinner, the ladies all suggested to walk walk around. So, we ended up walking around the whole village and even syok-syok sendiri with the tripod to take our night-pics.... kononnya we'll look slimmer this way~~ So we S.S. (syok sendiri), ah mah also S.S.
We go crazy, ah mah also go crazy. Kaka. She must be wondering: "did I produce these off springs? Or did I ter-kutip them from the hospital?"
I'll always remember you Ah mah. I love you very much. You'll always be in my mind. You were a part of me, and always will. Bye. I trust you should be with ah gong right now.
In memory: my Ah Mah.
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